Stupid Celebrity Quotes- Brandon Brown

I know Bobby Brown Jr. is all too happy to share. Apparently Brandon Brown had nailed Lindsay Lohan in a bathroom.

“Me and Lindsay got really, really close. She followed me to the bathroom during a private party, and, well, we basically got together. I think she knew who I was when she first saw me. We were just staring at each other and she walked by. I walked into the bathroom and she followed me in.”

For the love of MacGyver… who hasn’t nailed Lindsay Lohan in a toilet stall?

Source: The Blemish

Speaking of Neighbors from Hell

In this world it is all about “What have you done for me lately” I feel compelled to share.

To my neighbors of 3 years…

Lately you have parked your van and trailer filled with 6 different kinds of ladders in front of my drive way making it a feat of skill (accomplished thanks to years of playing Donkey Kong) to maneuver in and out of my drive way.

To the phone company whose name rhymes with “horizon”…

Lately you have been completely non-existent when it comes customer service, but always manage to have at least 6 representatives personally come to my door to sell me services that I already have.

To the Jehovah’s Witnesses Relentless in saving my soul…

Lately you have dropped off enough pamphlets to rob the world of an entire rainforest and invited yourself into my home without any sign of encroaching

To All of the aforementioned…

I have done you all the favor of reporting your van as a drug wagon filled with illegal immigrants and prostitutes, marched my happy ass down to the nearest “Horizon” store and describing in detail the birth of my son all while giving the impression I am interested in purchasing service, and finally spiking the muffins you enjoyed while droning on about the “Real God” with colon cleansing Exlax.

Dear Cara.....

Dear Cara,

My neighbor has the most annoying dog….quite possibly in the world. It is one of those yappy little turds that craps in our yard, taunts our German Shepard through the fence, barks day and night and takes in upon herself to roam the neighborhood pissing everyone off.

Our neighbors are older and one of them has depression issues. I have chatted with her about the issue as politely as I can. No one wants to be the one to make the depressed lady cry because her dog is so annoying. I am ready to turn the hairball into stew.

Please help!

Cheryl

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Dear Cheryl,

I am sorry to hear that your neighbor’s dog is about to become dinner. Clearly your issue is on the breaking point. I don’t endorse hurting anyone, including animals, physically. However, I do endorse your right to a crap free yard.

Your neighbor is depressed. Either way, you are going to take a firm hand since you have already talked with her once about the issue. Hand write a letter stating that the dog is an issue for not just you, but your fellow neighbors. She might find that if that you are not alone with the annoying ankle biter, that is a bigger issue that what she has obviously deemed insignificant. Have your fellow offended neighbors sign the letter with you. Present a front that she cannot ignore.

If that still doesn’t fix the issue, the only thing you can do is report a noise violation or trespassing. The dog cannot be removed unless it is not be provided with food, shelter and water.

Otherwise…enjoy your stew.

Rachel Ray and Ugly Scarf are Terrorists

Ugh. Yes, I do believe that Rachel Ray is a terrorist with her uber-annoying catch phrases and tops that are so tight I can see her heart beating. However, I doubt she is a member of the jihad. American censors seem to see her in a different light.

Her Dunkin’ Donuts ad was banned thanks to an ugly scarf. (I couldn’t make this shiz up.) The media went nuts expressing there shock by her wearing what they felt was a kaffiyeh, or Arab headdress. It is a sign of the jihad apparently.

The ad was pulled upon dissection of the bad accessory.

For cripes sake the dumb bitch whore an ugly scarf. The end. She is shilling coffee not weaponry of mass destruction.

Source

Bitch Freely

Welcome to Bitch Freely



You have now found your home away from home. Your nirvana. A sanctuary that is simply there for you. We are in this game called life, lets work together to find peace in a world full of asshat bosses, stinky breath co-workers, mother in laws from hell and neighbor dogs that would be more suited for a stew.

I bitch, you bitch, we all bitch. If you have a story to tell, email me and together we work it out. Indulge in some guilty pleasures. (No, not THOSE kind of guilty pleasures…dirty.)